What is Fair?

I'm always struck by the creative and nuanced property division agreements my clients develop. In most cases, I don't think any judge would have or could have come up with the same exact plan. Dividing all the property in half may make sense in court, but many folks have good reasons for working things out differently. A few factors people take into account: their history, income potential, other non-financial compromises made, ability to save, differential expenses, concern for the other person's welfare. The beauty of mediation is handcrafting an agreement that fits like your own glove, not one size fits all.

Lawyers and Divorce

FAQ about Maryland separation and divorce law
Q. Do we have to get a lawyer to get divorced?
A. No, you are not required to see a lawyer in order to get divorced; you can file “pro se”, representing yourself. On the other hand, it’s a smart idea to ask an attorney your legal questions, and to have an attorney review your mediated agreement and/or put it into legal language. You can both mediate and use an attorney for the limited purpose and cost of “receiving counsel.”

New Beginnings

In our multicultural society, it's nice to be able to learn and borrow from other people's traditions. This past weekend Jews celebrated Rosh Hoshana, the Jewish New Year. For the New Year, Jews review the past year's events, both good and bad. They look inside themselves to discover how they can become a better person in the coming year. The slate is wiped clean, and one tradition is to go to a lake and toss bread crumbs in the water symbolizing the sins of the past year. It feels great to get a new beginning, in which you can let go of ways that aren't working and build on your strengths. Regardless of the traditions you embrace, feel free to experience this month as a new year. May each of you enjoy a fresh beginning!

Taking Care of Kids

Attitudes abut sharing parenting (legally = joint custody) after divorce have shifted in the ten years I’ve been mediating divorces. Ten years ago, most couples spent hours working out complex schedules down to the minute for where the children would spend Christmas and other holidays. It was unheard of for divorcing parents to celebrate a holiday or birthday together, unusual for the “non-custodial” parent to be allowed to spend time with the children in the “custodial” parent’s home. Most couples felt that children should live with their mothers and visit their fathers every other weekend.

Today, I see many couples sharing time equally, with the children being in each home half the week. More fathers are insisting on this, and more mothers are agreeing. There are almost as many schedules as there are couples, but overall, people are choosing much greater flexibility than predetermined, unchangeable time slots for “visitation. I am hearing more couples express confidence they can work out changes and schedules as they come up. Whether the lack of rigid rules is progress, which is my fervent hope, or whether the lack of guidelines will bring new challenges will emerge over time.


My hope is that each couple can come up with a plan that best meets THEIR CHILDREN’S needs, as well as the realities of their work obligations, and that they can also remain open-minded to needed changes as the plan evolves and the kids’ activities and abilities change.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog!  When I meet someone new and tell them I mediate divorces, their first comment is to guess this must be a very stressful job.  I explain that though it is occasionally tense, most days it is highly rewarding to be a catalyst for getting people in conflict to talk and listen to each other.  Like mud, a mediation session is fertile ground for new growth.