Taking Care of Kids

Attitudes abut sharing parenting (legally = joint custody) after divorce have shifted in the ten years I’ve been mediating divorces. Ten years ago, most couples spent hours working out complex schedules down to the minute for where the children would spend Christmas and other holidays. It was unheard of for divorcing parents to celebrate a holiday or birthday together, unusual for the “non-custodial” parent to be allowed to spend time with the children in the “custodial” parent’s home. Most couples felt that children should live with their mothers and visit their fathers every other weekend.

Today, I see many couples sharing time equally, with the children being in each home half the week. More fathers are insisting on this, and more mothers are agreeing. There are almost as many schedules as there are couples, but overall, people are choosing much greater flexibility than predetermined, unchangeable time slots for “visitation. I am hearing more couples express confidence they can work out changes and schedules as they come up. Whether the lack of rigid rules is progress, which is my fervent hope, or whether the lack of guidelines will bring new challenges will emerge over time.


My hope is that each couple can come up with a plan that best meets THEIR CHILDREN’S needs, as well as the realities of their work obligations, and that they can also remain open-minded to needed changes as the plan evolves and the kids’ activities and abilities change.